I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
