im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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