please come you make the beer taste better
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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