Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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