Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize