then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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