dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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