she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize