im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
