Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
