the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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