do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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