Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
