Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You pole danced in your parka.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
