i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We need to rekindle our bromance
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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