her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
