Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
