Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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