you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So vagazzling was a success
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