she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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