went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
