i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
