Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
