It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
