worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
