Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
