hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
