i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
