clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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