I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
