Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
me + whiskey = a bad person
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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