is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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