Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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