I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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