If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
