Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
