Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
