Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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