Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
