I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
