I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
