My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
