I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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