Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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