it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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