I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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