nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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