No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am available for nakedness
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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