I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
