her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
