turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
