If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize