love makes seman taste better
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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