I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You are the jesus of drinking
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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