just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
