I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
