THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
