I puked a lego.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
