We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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