I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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