well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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