I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
