I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
